When “Playing Yourself” Is the Battle
There are moments when being present feels strangely powerless. Not because you do not care or because you failed to prepare, but because the situation has moved beyond anything you can reasonably influence. I ran into that recently while coaching my son’s basketball team.
We walked into the game well prepared. The kids knew their roles. They understood the offense and the defensive principles. The bench was engaged. The rotations were clear. From the opening minutes it was obvious that the gap between the two teams was significant. Not just in shooting or ball handling, but in experience, pace, and confidence. The score began to stretch early and then kept stretching… by half we were up 30 points.
As coaches, we started making adjustments meant to slow things down. We took the press off. We played kids out of position. We emphasized ball movement over scoring. We pulled back on sets that usually generate easy points. None of it mattered. The scope gap kept widening. The score climbed into the fifties and there was no lever left to pull that did not feel artificial or disrespectful.
That is the part people do not always talk about. Sometimes doing the right things still does not change the outcome. Sometimes restraint does not restore balance. Sometimes effort and intention are simply overtaken by reality.
By the second half, it was clear that everyone was losing something. We were cheering for them to score as we built a lead up to 50 or more points (we asked them to stop counting our points on the scoreboard). The other team looked deflated. You could see it in their body language. Missed shots lingered longer. Substitutions felt heavier. On our side, the kids were not celebrating. They were bored. Disconnected. Unsatisfied. Winning without resistance has a hollow quality. There is no tension to manage and no problem to solve.
At that point, the only real work left was internal. We talked about playing against ourselves rather than the other team or the scoreboard. About spacing. About communication. About making the extra pass even when no one is guarding you closely. About staying locked in when the game no longer demands it.
